Grandma has called the police 11 times on the aides

If I had a nickel for every time I get a call from a new client, or from my aides, saying that the aide has been asked to leave a senior’s home, I would be a millionaire.

Also know this issue sends my blood pressure up every time, and I deal with this almost daily like a teacher assessing the situation of another, “Who was wrong first” between two students, so I can only imagine how families feel. They are getting calls from the agency, or the police, or their loved one while they are at work and thinking, “Crap! It’s happening again.”

The above-linked article is great. At the bottom of it, several people comment on their strategies for dealing with parent(s) sending the aides away when they still need help.

I want to share with you my thoughts.

1. Look at the big picture. Why do you have the aides there? Is it for safety, medication reminders, cuing for personal hygiene? Was the aide able to do that during the shift? If they were able to accomplish the goals, take a breathe deep. You have won the battle.
2. Have a strong connection with your agency. Your care manager at the agency should be aware of what’s happening and have tips and tricks to calm your loved one down. The agency should also discuss this with the aides. Is the client safe? Are you (the aide) safe? If it’s not possible to talk them down or change the subject, just leave. Stand outside the door or go sit in the car for a few minutes. Most times, if the case is dementia-related, after a few minutes the client forgets all about the intrusion and will start fresh having forgotten that they asked the aide to leave.
3. I have no proof for this next one, it is purely a Shonda-ism.  I’ve dealt with a few cases of Alzheimer’s and it seems my clients remember negative thoughts or emotions. Meaning they don’t remember the argument, but they do remember the feeling of being upset or angry. Yet, they don’t do this placement of assigning feelings to good situations the same way they do with negative feelings. So try to keep conversations positive and aim to stay away from subjects that anger them. If an upsetting topic is accidentally mentioned, it is important to redirect them when they start down a path of anger. Try using a code word or code phrase to redirect the conversation. Read my past blog, Code Word, for more information on developing a code word or phrase with your loved one.

I used to keep a picture of my client’s family in my cell phone, (with consent from the family) to show her every time she questioned who I was. After looking at the photo, the sparkle of recognition would come to her eyes, and we could continue on with the task at hand.

That’s the ultimate mission here — to remind your loved one how you are both connected, or how they’re connected with their aide. Please remember they are in a scary place, their minds and memories are fading. They are trying to hold on to what makes sense to them and are at times frightened by what they see. Allow them their moment to regain their footing.

The important issue is their safety.

Stay Inspired,

Shonda