I’ve spent the past few months dealing with the thief of the mind, Dementia.

Now, I want to spend time discussing the things we think, but refuse to put into words because they sound inhumane.

I want to start conversations about the thin line between Safety and Dignity. If you are a caregiver you will understand my question. If you have cared for a dying love one you will completely understand. And if you just started your Hero’s journey in caring for love one with multiple chronic diseases, get a pencil and paper and start taking notes.

The question I want people to ask themselves, their doctors, their family members and anyone willing to listen and give an opinion is, “Where is the line to providing a safe environment/conditions verse living life as it is and accepting death as it comes.”

Some where the advances in medicine starting back in the 50’s have left us as a society living longer managing more chronic diseases; meaning we are literally dying of old age. Once upon a time going to the hospital was a death sentence. With the advent of surgical techniques and better medications most of our doctors are miracle workers. Patients are released daily with new hips, cardiac devices, pumps, new limbs with a list of drugs, and rehab. I’m not saying hospitals can cure everything, but they are curing more now than ever before. The evidence is in our life expectancy. We are living longer.

According to the World Bank, life expectancy across the globe has on averaged risen by 4 months every since 1970 and between 1980 and 1998 the world’s expectancy increased from 61 to 67 years. In the US  life expectancy is 78.6 years. 100 years ago people were lucky to live past 50.

So how does this effect us in its basic form? Our ancestors did not stand at the kitchen sink staring at nothing wondering how to handle Mom and Dad or Aunt Lucy or Uncle Jeff. They didn’t lose sleep at night trying to calculate  if they can afford another aide for 24 hour care or get that feeling in their gut when they come home from work and their parent has soiled themselves and will only allow you to change their clothes.

Unfortunately, with chronic disease the picture gets worst. The list above continues to unfold and time marches on and now the sparkle in your senior’s eyes has disappeared and every thing they once were is gone. I don’t want to name the illness, the injuries or the diseases because the point I’m making is, its incurable. There is no quality of life. The life your love one once had is non-existent and a new normal is not happening. And you can’t escape the haunting feeling your love one would not want to live in this state.

So when is it alright to say we are not trying any more new drugs, or even better, lets stop taking the drugs altogether. Let’s welcome death however it may come.

That’s the line.

Where is the line between keeping your senior safe verses the dignity of allowing them to live life on their terms which means they die on their terms? Not a drawn out medicated, personal assisted throughout a 24hr day, where there is no more privacy and dignity left.

Where is the line between safety and dignity?

Stay Inspired,

Shonda

Please send your comments:

I learn from you and for those who are starting the Hero’s journey as a caregiver, there are no silly questions. Just ask; you are not alone.

Also I have a special Thank you to Elena Francisco for offering a beautiful book called Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

Happy Holidays to All